Best. Site. Ever.HOLY GAUC I am laughing so hard that I’ve started sweating profusely. Yeah that’s gross. Yeeep still going to post this. Edit // just spat water out onto my laptop
I don’t really make cryptic posts a lot and this isn’t even about anything super secretive. I wonder if I’ll even remember what this is about a few months from now. I guess I’ll leave myself a hint: shat. No this is not about pooping my pants.
On another note, before I leave for college I’m going to write myself a letter that will be opened when I graduate from college. I want to see how much I have or have not changed. I wish I had written myself a letter before I started highschool. It would have been interesting.
I’m laying in bed next to my fom pillow (mines purple to match the color of my room in New Jersey. I also painted the ceiling and the inside of my closet of my room in New Jersey buuut back to my story) Once when I was buying a fom pillow, an employee told me that if I ever opened the zipper, the microbead filling would shoot out in all different directions and attack me. Basically, chaos would ensue and I would die a slow and painful death. Ok I’m exagerrating on that last bit. You know how if somebody tells you, “Whatever you do… don’t ____” you’re always compelled to do whatever _____ refers to? Yep. I am so experiencing that right now. I mean, I’ve experienced it before but never THIS intensely.
p.s. I really don’t like the boardgame Risk.
Girl:
Boy:
I feel like I’m always on the lookout for more girl names. I rarely add to my boy names list.
Fun Fact: I once asked my sister to help me name a wind up cat thing-whose-name-I-can’t-think-of my Grandpa gave me. She came up with Lucifer and I gladly accepted only to realize later that the nam Lucifer is another name for the Devil.
Fun Fact: My sister once made a bookmark that said “Joanne is a Cocoa Bean. WOW!” Underneath the writing was a drawing of me in a cocao bean. The bookmark was made out of this orange origami paper that stained your fingers if you started sweating.
Edit // I’m not expecting a baby anytime soon. I can just see myself receving tumblr asks along the lines of, “U HAD SEX????????????????? UR GONNA HAVE A BBY?????????” (because I am, of course, the center of everybody’s universes)
*Click read more if you want to read my rambling stream of consciousness digressions.
We celebrated my Grandpa’s birthday last night! My younger cousins all came over and d’awwwwwwww they’re adorable. The moment I heard my baby cousins’ giggles, my heart felt like it was going to burst (not in that weird feels like your ribs are going to pierce your heart every time you breath way1 but rather in that cliché bordering on bullshit way) One of my cousins, David, made me this string ball, named him Bloop, and told me to take EXTRA GOOD care of him. My two baby cousins, Annabelle and Marvin2 were upset that I was sitting across from them and insisted that I sit in between them (I feel like I’m sounding conceited like, “o0o0o0 everyone loves me and wants to be graced with my presence,” but I was more, “AWWWWWWWWWW you kiddos are so cute!”
Later all of my cousins went up to my room and I played some Christmas and Disney songs for them. This was accompanied by dramatic performances with my purple hairbrush3 and a generous side serving of incorrect lyrics (belted out of course). My baby cousins were so eager to sing along with me which made me think about this article I reblogged before about people growing more self-conscious and thus more inhibited in their actions as they age. My cousins looked through my playlists and wait, let me set up my story:
SET UP: I rarely make playlists (and when I say rarely I mean rarely. Sometimes I’ll think, “yeah I think I should make a playlist for some event but I always get bored/overwhelmed with options when I sit down and try to make the playlist and end up making something that doesn’t satisfy my original vision of this bitchin’ playlist) but that morning I was determined to make a playlist. The momentous moment necessitated a playlist with just as momentous of a name. I threw around some ideas and finally settled on BIG BOOTY BITCHESSS because a) it’s a comical name, b) the phrase has been stuck in my head, and c) I always do this little big booty bitches dance (errr its not inapropro or overly sexual or anything… just sayin’) when I’m in the privacy of my own home.
STORY: When my cousins started perusing4 my iTunes library, I quickly scrambled to shield my cousins from my vulgarity and in my panic deleted my playlist instead of just renaming it. WHY didn’t you just rename your playlist instead of deleting all of your hardwork5 Joanne?!
Music taste is so telling. I actually read in this book called Snoop6 that the section that garners the most attention on online dating sites7 is the favorite music section. Whenever anybody asks me what I listen to I’m always hesitant to respond, because I don’t want to come off as elitist just because I don’t particularly enjoy songs that are being played on the radio. (UHHH am I coming off as a total tool/d-bag? I don’t know I’m trying to be genuine) Lately I’ve been listening to a lot of Rilo Kiley (she/her voice just explodes with excellence), Band of Horses (!!!!!! these guys are SO good), The Strokes (love how Julian’s voice sounds and also how each component compliments each other in their songs), The Bird & the Bee (sweet beatz), and a little bit of Camera Obscura (from what I’ve heard I quite like but I’ve yet to delve into their entire repertoire) but my iTunes library is also supplemented by my extensive High School Musical (I’ve never watched any of the movies just fyi), Disney, CHRISTMAS CAROLS, and Cheetah Girls (I have their Holiday album as well) collection. When people ask me what kind of music I listen to I’m more apt to say Band of Horses than Cheetah Girls. I think its because I listen to the former for realsies and to the latter for karaoke-ing/silliness. I don’t think it has to do with shame or a desire to sell myself as cool but the latter probably plays a subconscious role in my decision given how self-conscious I am (not in a PITY MEEEE IM A FRAGILE BUTTERFLY8 way but like what I’m doing right now – how I feel the need to justify myself so that I/my words/my actions aren’t misinterpreted.)
1 Do you know what I’m talking about? I know my sister and I used to get these chest pains a lot. It’s this SHARP pain in your chest whenever you inhale too deeply or laugh too hard. I always imagined my rib piercing my heart… I swear I wasn’t fascinated with stabbing or anything violent when I was young. I was just paranoid. Whenever I got these chest pains when I was younger I immediately thought I was going to die. I was a worst case scenario AHHHHH!! type of kid to the point where I’d have to pray for the well-being/protection from natural disasters, health related problems, murder, basically anything dangerous of all my family members every night before bed.
2 My Grandpa tried to chinese-ify Marvin’s name and came up with “Ma Fen” which could be interpreted as horse shit.
3 It’s this purple Conair cylindrical hairbrush that makes for the PERFECT microphone, albeit a hairy one.
4 I know I’m using peruse incorrectly. The word actually means to read something carefully but it’s often used in a way that’s synonymous with cursory (I know peruse is a verb and cursory is an adjective but let’s make it work.) Even though I’m aware of peruse’s real meaning I’ve grown accustomed to using peruse incorrectly (like how I’ve grown accustomed to pronouncing jewelry incorrectly – jewl-uh-ree vs. jool-ree. I’ve been working on this though! Mainly because I think jool-ree sounds better like how literally sounds better when it’s pronounced lih-treh-lee LIKE BRTISH PEOPLE!!!!! vs. lit-er-ah-lee although in this case both pronunciations are correct I believe) Man I digress in my digressions. I wanted to say something like, it boggles my mind/frustrates me that I’m aware that I’m doing something incorrectly and yet I continue to do it!!!! I guess I shouldn’t get so worked up over something trivial.
5 Is it “all OF your hardwork” or “all your hardwork” or are both acceptable?
6Snoop was not as interesting as I thought it was going to be. It was about learning about somebody by snooping through their room/belongings. I love when you pass by a house and are able to peek into the house/at the people inside. I always wonder about them – their relationships with their family members, their idiosyncrasies, what their childhoods where like, their favorite books/music/etc. My sister once read me this thing about how one couple placed ping pong balls in their medicine cabinet so that when guests came over and excused themselves to go the bathroom, the hosts would know whether or not their guest whent (wow I actually spelled went whent?) through their stuff. I would set ping pong balls off everywhere! But back to the book: I thought the concept was interesting but that it was poorly executed (not that I’m this sort of book reviewer guru but the information seemed like common sense. One section talked about how somebody whose favorite type of music is Christian music is more likely to be religious than someone whose favorite music is another genre like rap… uh, duhh.)
7 I once made a fake eHarmony account. Okay fine, I’ve done it twice. It was HYSTERICAL in the moment but I feel kind of bad for “toying” with people and I’m talking a SHITLOAD of people. Apparently, Bethany Hamilton this self-proclaimed artiste with passion “cours[ing] deep through [her] veins” was not full of bullshit but rather incredibly intriguing.
8 My Mom used to take my Sister and I to animal displays (ie. Zoos, aquariums, drive thru safaris. I just like how awkward the phrase “animal display” sounds). Once she took us to a butterfly um I don’t know the word for butterfly habitat and for some reason they had fake butterfly models interspersed with the real butterflies. I was so certain that one butterfly was fake but no one would believe me so I was like, “HUMPHHH I’ll show you” and touched the butterfly’s wing. The butterfly wasn’t fake and I learned later that butterfly wings are so fragile that if you touch them they’ll break. I felt so guilty.
Back when I said “my Mom once took us to..” I almost said ‘brang’ instead of ‘took’ and it reminded me of when I was younger and had a tendency to say brang instead of brought. My Mom “fixed” that but now I have a tendency to say yeah instead of yes (That crazy psycho etiquette trainer bitch in Ms. Congeniality who kind of resembles Martha Stewart would be ashamed of me. Sometimes I think I make references that nobody understands. Whatever.) Also when I attended St. Augustine’s I knew this one kid named Blake who said, “pardon,” instead of ,”what” TOO CUTE.
The General Specific by Band of Horses
My grandparents are the cutest!
